For a few reasons:

1) I'm not writing anymore. I know this is a fucking blog and whatever but I'm not. Straight up reason # 1

2) Reason #2. So I was back in DC last week and I talked to some good people - old coworkers - to whom I haven't spoken in like a quarter of a decade or some shit. The last time I wrote them I wrote them an e-mail. If I remember correctly signed the STEPHEN MOTHERFUCKING SHERMAN. The e-mail was from when I was living on a reservation in South Dakota. I had no job and I was putzing around my girlfriend's one bedroom apartment, watching one of her cats be in heat. The other one was spade. Anyhow my coworkers suggested I start a blog. So thanks for the suggestion Elizabeth and Wendy. Yeah I'm starting a blog. Fuck you.

3) I miss it. I did this before - it was a means to communicate with old friends with whom I'd parted ways since high school. We all shared a blogging interface, linked to eachothers' blogs, and so I would know important info, like that Dan at St. Thomas Acquinas had a roommate from Long Island named Tiny who was 7 feet tall and had flip flops the size of a surfboard. I remember these things. I remember Tiny. Never forget.

So to start things off here is a story.

I am a manager of a liquor store in Iowa City. It's also a grocery store. One day a drunk CHUDly-guy shoved a ribeye down his pants and walked out the door. I remember when I went out the door to chase him I said to my coworker, "yo, that dude has steak in his pants."

...

That's not a very good story.

Any that's the guy who tried to shoplift steaks, using his pants. We did get the steaks back, for what it's worth. "What it's worth" is whatever the going rate for ribeyes which marinated in bum crotch.

This is going to be good.