The cows got out

After not even being there for five minutes, my grandpa's cows somehow ended up in the soybean field. From there they got into the corn. I've never had to chase cows before, let alone out of a cornfield in October when the corn is at full height. You can't see the cows in the field but they're all trampling over the corn and it sounds like a waterfall. So you go into the cornfield, trying to find where the waterfall is, and then you turn around and the cow is there.

Cows are massive fucking animals, but all you need to do is make yourself big and shout "HEY" and they spit out what they're chewing and run. If you tried to pull that crap on a pig the pig would be all "what the fuck" and then charge at you. Pigs are not that fucking dumb.

After the cows got back in we ate pizza.

Five years ago I spent the night at grandpas. I woke up to a shadow moving across my wall. It was early in the morning. I opened the shades and there was a llama looking at me. A fucking llama. I opened the door and Grandpa's wife was there. She told me they had a llama - its name was Tony and he was a sheep-guarding llama. I just went back to sleep at that point. Then I was woken up to shouting - grandpa's wife was shouting something about the bulls fighting. I went down to the kitchen and I saw that Grandpa, who is 73, was running full sprint towards the sink. He opened the cabinet beneath the sink and pulled out a bullwhip. Why my grandpa kept a bullwhip underneath the sink I will never know. Then he ran outside, jumped over the fence into the pasture, and started whipping two bulls. My Dad, my little brother and I watched grandpa, who is 73 and about 5'6'', whip the fucking shit out of two bulls. We looked at each other and decided it was time to leave.