Here's how I plan to prepare for the 2nd Holocaust

I plan to pose as a trappist monk. And then I will shoot wolves from an airplane. I will be a monk who shoots wolves from an airplane and I will skin those wolves and sell them to other wolf-hunters.

When I was living in South Dakota, working at the paper, these guys came into the office looking for plat maps. Their RV, which they parked in front of the office, was almost as long as a city block and blocked any sun from getting into the office. They had thick southern accents. "We wonna hunt some prairie dawgs," they said. And they were wearing head-to-toe forest camo, which is weird because 1) South Dakota isn't forested, and 2) they are hunting fucking prairie dogs. Prairie dawgs. It's glorified target practice. Those little fuckers are teeming with weird ass viruses, so you can't eat the meat (all the 1/2 pound of it), or even touch the fur, and if you do you will vomit so hard your asshole will shoot out your mouth. You can hunt prairie dogs from your front porch in SoDak. Prairie Dog hunting makes farting look like a sport. Even after I showed these hunters that we had no plat maps which denoted prairie-dog-hunting safe grounds, they lingered. They had hunted for years here. "We been coming to South Dakota all these years to shoot prairie dawgs," they told me. They recalled their favorite times of shooting, which I can't recall the specifics of, because I was waiting to leave so I could get some damn natural light back in the office.

Sometimes I think this country deserves a President McCain.